Life-Saving Freedom

Did I really expect to see him here? Did I really expect that he and I could work things out? Did I really expect him to reply to my texts?

What am I really doing here in Manila? Yes, visiting my lola, seeing relatives and friends. But at the end of the day, I feel unaccomplished, as if I was expecting someting, and I didn’t get it. I think I need to admit it. I expected to see you.

Maybe thats the whole reason why I screw up when a boy comes along; why I freeze, panic, get scared and hesitate… because I’m still waiting for you.

Why do I not know what to do on a date anymore? Why do I not know what to say while texting with a boy I like? Why do I always manage to find a way to mess everything up when a decent, presentable guy comes along?

And sometimes, it’s not me. Sometimes, I actually think the boy is decent, but is he? No. He’ll end up just wanting to make out, or end up being a chick boy —- being sweet to you… and to 5 other girls at the same time. My friends laugh. And at first, I laughed too. They would say that since something always seems to go wrong with all those boys, we’ll know if the boy is “the one” if absolutely nothing goes wrong; if I don’t somehow make a fool of myself, or if dark secrets of his don’t come popping out of nowhere.

When can that one person come along? WHEN?!?

Or is that person really still you?